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Completed Episode
In The Thin Pink Line making babies is no longer the next natural step, instead it is a ticking bomb threatening to destroy the modern couple.
THE THIN PINK LINE
by Dominique Keller & Smita Acharyya
© Electric Juice Productions 2009
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
A ticking sound can be heard. JAY (33, handsome, South Asian man) and GLORIA, his girlfriend (33, attractive, dark haired olive skinned woman) are sitting back to back. Gloria and Jay are distraught. Jay moans and fights back tears.
JAY
It’s going to be the end! I should’ve stayed with my band, we could have made it.
Gloria and Jay are revealed on the bathroom floor, tied together with an oversized pregnancy test strapped to them. A pink line is displayed in the indicator window, a second pink line slowly starts to creep up. A digital clock on a panel above the window counts down from 3 minutes.
JAY (CONT’D)
What about my trip to Africa? I would’ve got great shots for my portfolio. National Geographic’s not going to hire a wedding photographer. This can’t be happening to me.
GLORIA
To you?
A male bomb technician, Martin (27) dressed in black SWAT gear kicks his way through the shower curtain. Another technician, Russ (35) repels from the ceiling and accidently hits Gloria on his way down.
GLORIA (CONT’D)
Ouch!
Russ dismisses Gloria and attends to the pregnancy test/bomb. Martin opens a medical tool kit and checks Jay’s vitals.
RUSS
Don’t worry buddy. We’ll get you outta here!
Gloria is stunned.
JAY
I think I’m suffocating. Can’t breathe!
Martin quickly holds a paper bag to Jay’s mouth. The second pink line on the pregnancy test creeps up and Jay’s breathing becomes more erratic.
MARTIN
Little breaths, little breaths. You’ll make it through this.
GLORIA
What about me?
MARTIN
You! You’re the reason we’re in this mess!
GLORIA
He could’ve worn a condom!
RUSS
It doesn’t feel the same! You were on the pill he can’t be expected to handle every detail of your lives.
GLORIA
It’s not that simple--
RUSS
What’s so complicated? You gotta pill you take it.
Jay moans. Russ notices the second pink line creeping further up the indicator window.
RUSS (CONT’D)
We’ve gotta act fast. If we don’t get him out of here, he’ll be fused to her forever! Birthday’s weddings, it’s never-ending!
JAY
Nooooo! Why me!? Why anybody!?
MARTIN
It’s not your fault man. It wasn’t in the plan.
The technicians manage to free Jay from the pregnancy test, leaving Gloria still attached.
MARTIN (CONT’D)
Run!
Jay runs to the door. He opens the door and a bright light shines on his face. The door is a portal to all of Jay’s male friends at the pub. They turn and see him. Gloria gets to her feet but the test is to cumbersome for her to continue.
GLORIA
(desperately)
Jay, help me out!
PUB GUYS
(grunt in deep voices)
Jay, c'mon man!
Jay is confused about which way to turn. Russ looks at Martin and mimics a whipping sound. Martin looks disgusted with Jay.
GLORIA
Is this the story you want me to tell our child?
Jay looks out the door once more. This time he sees himself pushing a shopping cart. Perched on the cart is a cute little girl wearing a pink sundress. A cute little boy in a denim outfit with a cowboy hat stands beside the cart.
RUSS (O.S.)
It’s a trick!
CUT TO:
INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY
The little girl is now a teenager dressed in the same sundress which is now too small for her chest and too short for her long legs. She takes a puff of her cigarette and blows smoke in Jay’s face. The little boy is now a teenager also. He is dressed in the same outfit and cowboy hat and is shoplifting everything in site.
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
Jay tries to compose himself by grabbing a shelf but ends up knocking it down along with the contents.
JAY
(out of breath)
I can’t... I can-- Can’t handle it!
Gloria isn’t impressed. A timer bings. Everyone looks towards the test.
MARTIN
Wait a minute, it’s negative.
JAY
Whooooo hooooo!
Jay grabs Gloria off the floor, this time the test slides off her easily. Jay hugs her tight but Gloria is unresponsive.
RUSS
Great, let’s go for a beer. No hard feelings hey Gloria?
Jay looks down at Gloria.
JAY
Gloria?
FADE OUT
Completed Episode
33 and no baby in sight? Gloria has some explaining to do.
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
Gloria is driving a beater. She talks on her cellphone to Jay
GLORIA
I’m on my way, should I pick anything up for dinner?
JAY
No, I’m good, I just ate.
GLORIA
What did you get for me?
Jay looks into the phone nervously, hamburger in mouth. She hears a siren.
GLORIA (CONT’D)
Oh man, I’m being pulled over. I gotta go, wait it’s your mom, no
it’s your mom in the cop car... and she’s with my mom.
Gloria pulls over. Two police woman approach the window. They are Mrs. Majumdar (60) and Mrs. Gaspar (57). Gloria rolls down the window. Mrs. Majumdar shines a flashlight in her face.
MRS. GASPAR
Do you know how slow you were going?
GLORIA
Mom?
MRS. MAJUMDAR
Answer the question.
MRS. GASPAR
Didn’t you see the sign?
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
There is a sign on the side of the road that reads “Speed up you’re almost 40”. Flashing light and rain.
MRS. GASPAR
We need to see your licence and registration.
GLORIA
Mom, is this really necessary?
MRS. MAJUMDAR
Licence and registration right now!
Gloria is fishing for her licence and registration. The mom cops are flashing their lights around the car.
MRS. GASPAR
Look at this junker, there’s not even a place for car seat
The back of Gloria’s car is littered with painting supplies and a canvas. Gloria hands over her licence and registration. Mrs Majumdar holds up the licence.
MRS. MAJUMDAR
expired.
GLORIA
What do you mean? My licence is good until next year.
MRS. MAJUMDAR
Not your licence you, you’re expired, you’re 33. Your eggs are rotting.
MRS. GASPAR
Poached.
MRS. MAJUMDAR
Step out of the car.
Gloria is slammed face first onto the hood of the car (tough
cop style) and cuffed. She looks in the camera with a look of horror.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT
Gloria sits across from Mrs. Gaspar and Mrs. Majumdar.
MRS. GASPAR
Are you currently under the influence of birth control?
GLORIA
Um, yes?
MRS. GASPAR
I see. When exactly do you plan on making us grandmothers?
GLORIA
I’m focusing on my career right now.
MRS. MAJUMDAR
(scoffs)
Career! This is a career?
Mrs. Majumdar pulls out a brochure Gloria previously designed.
GLORIA
I spent a month designing that, I’m proud of it.
MRS. GASPAR
That’s really nice dear, have a sip of water, While you look at this!
Mrs. Gaspar slams down a series of photos of old people in
wheel chairs, strapped to IVs all of them are alone.
MRS. GASPAR (CONT’D)
Goody for you Soon you’ll be old, alone and drugged in a nursing
home...
MRS. MAJUMDAR
Ohh why doesn’t my beautiful brochure come to visit me.
GLORIA
We can’t afford to have kids right now.
MRS. MAJUMDAR
I see. How do you explain this?
Mrs. Gaspar Inserts a tape labelled evidence into a TV VHS combo player. Black and white security camera footage plays of Gloria buying a latte and a muffin.
MRS. GASPAR
That was 13.95! You can feed your baby for free.
Mrs. Gaspar gestures at Gloria’s breasts.
MRS. GASPAR (CONT’D)
Your breasts will produce so much milk, you can make your own latte.
GLORIA
That’s supposed to convince me to have a baby?
MRS. MAJUMDAR
Oh we are going to convince you...don’t worry,
Mrs. Gaspar flicks a switch a light behind her reveals
hundreds of flat of eggs stacked from floor to ceiling.
MRS. MAJUMDAR (CONT’D)
You’ve gone through 252 ovulations. That’s 90% of your
eggs down the toilet. Mrs. Gaspar and Mrs. Majumdar start hurling
the eggs at Gloria. Gloria ducks, they hit the wall behind her.
MRS. GASPAR
Flush! Flush your youth away!
MRS. MAJUMDAR
It’s all about me.
GLORIA
Stop! I’ll do what you want just stop!
Mrs. Majumdar pushes a piece of paper towards Gloria.
MRS. MAJUMDAR
Sign here.
Gloria starts to read the contract. (Gloria tries to phone Jay before she signs, cut to Jay dancing around in the living room with loud music playing, he can’t hear the phone). Mrs Gaspar shoves a pen towards her. Gloria takes the pen.
MRS. GASPAR
Okay you can start on the first one now and the second one within two years.
GLORIA
Second one?
Completed Episode
33 and no baby in sight? Gloria has some explaining to do.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT
Gloria sits across from Mrs. Gaspar and Mrs. Majumdar.
MRS. GASPAR
Are you currently under the influence of birth control?
GLORIA
Um, yes?
MRS. GASPAR
I see. When exactly do you plan on making us grandmothers?
GLORIA
I’m focusing on my career right now.
MRS. MAJUMDAR
(scoffs)
Career! This is a career?
Mrs. Majumdar pulls out a brochure Gloria previously designed.
GLORIA
I spent a month designing that, I’m proud of it.
MRS. GASPAR
That’s really nice dear, have a sip of water, While you look at this!
Mrs. Gaspar slams down a series of photos of old people in
wheel chairs, strapped to IVs all of them are alone.
MRS. GASPAR (CONT’D)
Goody for you Soon you’ll be old, alone and drugged in a nursing
home...
MRS. MAJUMDAR
Ohh why doesn’t my beautiful brochure come to visit me.
GLORIA
We can’t afford to have kids right now.
MRS. MAJUMDAR
I see. How do you explain this?
Mrs. Gaspar Inserts a tape labelled evidence into a TV VHS combo player. Black and white security camera footage plays of Gloria buying a latte and a muffin.
MRS. GASPAR
That was 13.95! You can feed your baby for free.
Mrs. Gaspar gestures at Gloria’s breasts.
MRS. GASPAR (CONT’D)
Your breasts will produce so much milk, you can make your own latte.
GLORIA
That’s supposed to convince me to have a baby?
MRS. MAJUMDAR
Oh we are going to convince you...don’t worry,
Mrs. Gaspar flicks a switch a light behind her reveals
hundreds of flat of eggs stacked from floor to ceiling.
MRS. MAJUMDAR (CONT’D)
You’ve gone through 252 ovulations. That’s 90% of your
eggs down the toilet. Mrs. Gaspar and Mrs. Majumdar start hurling
the eggs at Gloria. Gloria ducks, they hit the wall behind her.
MRS. GASPAR
Flush! Flush your youth away!
MRS. MAJUMDAR
It’s all about me.
GLORIA
Stop! I’ll do what you want just stop!
Mrs. Majumdar pushes a piece of paper towards Gloria.
MRS. MAJUMDAR
Sign here.
Gloria starts to read the contract. (Gloria tries to phone Jay before she signs, cut to Jay dancing around in the living room with loud music playing, he can’t hear the phone). Mrs Gaspar shoves a pen towards her. Gloria takes the pen.
MRS. GASPAR
Okay you can start on the first one now and the second one within two years.
GLORIA
Second one?
In Script Development
Storkieman takes you for a six-minute flight of fancy through the easy-bake oven school of motherhood.
STORKIEMAN
by Dominique Keller & Smita Acharyya
© Electric Juice Productions 2009
INT. BEDROOM- DAY
JAY (33, handsome, South Asian man) and GLORIA, his girlfriend (33, attractive, dark haired olive skinned woman) are in their bedroom having sex on their bed missionary style. Jay finishes, rolls over and lies back on his pillow and looks at the ceiling. Gloria looks at him.
GLORIA
We can’t take chances like this all the time you know
JAY
What do you mean?
GLORIA
Well, you should have picked up some condoms...
JAY
But you’re on the pill
GLORIA
We talked about this
JAY is stunned. Freeze frame caption reads: Stunned man face
GLORIA (CONT’D)
I forgot it twice in a row
JAY
Gloria, you need to get a system going where you take your pill at the same time everyday,
like after you brush your teeth or something.
GLORIA
Thanks tips, you would know, since you have to take a birth control pill everyday.
JAY gets up, puts on a robe and starts to walk out of the room.
JAY
I’m going to have a shower.
Gloria reaches for her oversized T-shirt and struggles to put it on. Suddenly she hears feathers flapping, ominous music and she notices the curtains blow.
INT. SHOWER DAY
Jay busy is in the shower, the shower noise drowns out all other sounds.
INT. HALLWAY DAY
A shadow of a large bird slowly creeps across the wall ‘a la Hitchcock. It moves towards the bathroom suggesting that Jay may fall victim to the large bird but at the last moment the shadow skips past the bathroom and moves toward the bedroom.
INT. BEDROOM DAY
Gloria looks up and sees a giant white feathered, middle aged bird-man. STORKIE MAN is part stork, part sleazy heavy-set used car salesman. His long orange legs end in plush claw toes. His belly is balding. In his lower beak rests a white sling carrying a diaper clad plastic baby.
GLORIA
Ahhh! I’m not ready!
STORKIE MAN
I know, no pressure. I’m just here to answer any questions you might have.
GLORIA
What the hell do you have in your beak?
STORKIE MAN
Oh this, it’s a baby.
GLORIA
It’s not my baby is it?
STORKIE MAN
Oh no it’s just demo baby. How ‘bout we take it for a test drive?
GLORIA
I’m not ready to commit to anything. I’m just browsing.
STORKIE MAN
I understand, it’s just a test drive. And I just wanna to let you know all women taking this baby
Storkie man picks up the baby and pats its bum.
STORKIE MAN (CONT’D)
For a test drive, automatically have a chance to win a free month of yoga.
GLORIA
No strings attached?
STORKIE MAN
Grab the baby and take a hold of my wing.
Gloria gingerly grabs the plastic baby and awkwardly cradles it.
STORKIE MAN (CONT’D)
Hey look you’re a natural, that baby looks really good on you.
Storkie man takes a puff of his cigar, Gloria grabs his wing and they fly out the window.
EXT. SKY DAY
Gloria holds onto Storkie man’s wing and tries to steady herself while holding onto the baby.
GLORIA
I’m flying!
STORKIE MAN
Hold on.
Gloria and Storkie man fly through the clouds and we see a montage of 1950’s house wives pushing beautiful babies in strollers. Smiling toddlers are licking giant lollipops and swinging on swing sets.
GLORIA
It looks so easy.
STORKIE MAN
Of course it’s easy it’s natural. Your instincts will kick in and no problems.
You feel like something’s missing in your life? Not happy with your career?
Baby. That’s what you need.
GLORIA
What do you mean? I should have a baby instead of a career?
STORKIE MAN
No, no these days you can have both, no problem.
GLORIA
How about my perky breasts?
STORKIE MAN
Oh those. I gotta check with the boss but I think we can offer that.
It won’t matter though. Once we strap one of these puppies to your chest, you’re fulfilled.
End of story.
Storkie man crosses his toes.
GLORIA
That sounds like it might work out.
STORKIE MAN
Great. Let’s just get you back to the shop and we’ll take a look under the hood
and make sure that egg’s fertilized.
EXT. SHOP DAY
They arrive at the storefront of the baby shop complete with demo babies displayed attractively in the window. Just as they are about to enter, an angry woman (48) drags a bored looking teenage boy behind her. The bored boy sports a hoodie and low rider jeans. The woman blocks Storkie man’s entrance to the store.
MARTHA
You! You sold me on this one. I dumped nothing but money on him
and he doesn’t seem to be doing anything!
The teenager shrugs and looks away.
STORKIE MAN
I’ll be with you in a minute ma’am.
MARTHA
No!
GLORIA
Oh no, you can deal with her. I’m not totally decided yet.
I’ll just take your card--
STORKIE MAN
Well I wouldn’t wait too long. Not getting any younger, all your friends are having kids
and I might not be back to visit. You could miss your chance.
Gloria notices Martha’s bra-less saggy breasts. Horror registers on Gloria’s face.
MARTHA
What’re you lookin’ at?
FADE OUT
The Baby Cliff producers would like to acknowledge the support of the CTV WIDC Director Development Award
