Storkieman

Status:

In Script Development

Episode Order:

Gloria Gasper is a 33 year old graphic designer. For the last two years, Gloria has been co-habiting with her boyfriend Jay Majumdar in an ‘almost happy’ modern live-in relationship. An afternoon romp turns surreal when a couple of tiny missed birth control pills opens the door to a visit from a fowl, feathered man-bird called Storkieman. Storkieman is worn out from years of hard flying and frustrated by a recent drop in sales (motherhood is a tough sell these days). Desperate to close the deal and convince Gloria to become a mom, Storkieman pulls out his best tricks. Gloria is just about to sign on the dotted line when they run into an unhappy customer.

Storkieman takes you for a six-minute flight of fancy through the easy-bake oven school of motherhood.

Episode Art

Episode Script:

STORKIEMAN
by Dominique Keller & Smita Acharyya

INT. BEDROOM- DAY

JAY (33, handsome, South Asian man) and GLORIA, his girlfriend (33, attractive, dark haired olive skinned woman) are in their bedroom having sex on their bed missionary style. Jay finishes, rolls over and lies back on his pillow and looks at the ceiling. Gloria looks at him.

GLORIA
We can’t take chances like this all the time you know

JAY
What do you mean?

GLORIA
Well, you should have picked up some condoms...

JAY
But you’re on the pill

GLORIA
We talked about this

JAY is stunned. Freeze frame caption reads: Stunned man face

GLORIA (CONT’D)
I forgot it twice in a row

JAY
Gloria, you need to get a system going where you take your pill at the same time everyday,
like after you brush your teeth or something.

GLORIA
Thanks tips, you would know, since you have to take a birth control pill everyday.

JAY gets up, puts on a robe and starts to walk out of the room.

JAY
I’m going to have a shower.

Gloria reaches for her oversized T-shirt and struggles to put it on. Suddenly she hears feathers flapping, ominous music and she notices the curtains blow.

INT. SHOWER DAY

Jay busy is in the shower, the shower noise drowns out all other sounds.

INT. HALLWAY DAY

A shadow of a large bird slowly creeps across the wall ‘a la Hitchcock. It moves towards the bathroom suggesting that Jay may fall victim to the large bird but at the last moment the shadow skips past the bathroom and moves toward the bedroom.

INT. BEDROOM DAY

Gloria looks up and sees a giant white feathered, middle aged bird-man. STORKIE MAN is part stork, part sleazy heavy-set used car salesman. His long orange legs end in plush claw toes. His belly is balding. In his lower beak rests a white sling carrying a diaper clad plastic baby.

GLORIA
Ahhh! I’m not ready!

STORKIE MAN
I know, no pressure. I’m just here to answer any questions you might have.

GLORIA
What the hell do you have in your beak?

STORKIE MAN
Oh this, it’s a baby.

GLORIA
It’s not my baby is it?

STORKIE MAN
Oh no it’s just demo baby. How ‘bout we take it for a test drive?

GLORIA
I’m not ready to commit to anything. I’m just browsing.

STORKIE MAN
I understand, it’s just a test drive. And I just wanna to let you know all women taking this baby

Storkie man picks up the baby and pats its bum.

STORKIE MAN (CONT’D)
For a test drive, automatically have a chance to win a free month of yoga.

GLORIA
No strings attached?

STORKIE MAN
Grab the baby and take a hold of my wing.

Gloria gingerly grabs the plastic baby and awkwardly cradles it.

STORKIE MAN (CONT’D)
Hey look you’re a natural, that baby looks really good on you.

Storkie man takes a puff of his cigar, Gloria grabs his wing and they fly out the window.

EXT. SKY DAY

Gloria holds onto Storkie man’s wing and tries to steady herself while holding onto the baby.

GLORIA
I’m flying!

STORKIE MAN
Hold on.

Gloria and Storkie man fly through the clouds and we see a montage of 1950’s house wives pushing beautiful babies in strollers. Smiling toddlers are licking giant lollipops and swinging on swing sets.

GLORIA
It looks so easy.

STORKIE MAN
Of course it’s easy it’s natural. Your instincts will kick in and no problems.
You feel like something’s missing in your life? Not happy with your career?
Baby. That’s what you need.

GLORIA
What do you mean? I should have a baby instead of a career?

STORKIE MAN
No, no these days you can have both, no problem.

GLORIA
How about my perky breasts?

STORKIE MAN
Oh those. I gotta check with the boss but I think we can offer that.
It won’t matter though. Once we strap one of these puppies to your chest, you’re fulfilled.
End of story.

Storkie man crosses his toes.

GLORIA
That sounds like it might work out.

STORKIE MAN
Great. Let’s just get you back to the shop and we’ll take a look under the hood
and make sure that egg’s fertilized.

EXT. SHOP DAY

They arrive at the storefront of the baby shop complete with demo babies displayed attractively in the window. Just as they are about to enter, an angry woman (48) drags a bored looking teenage boy behind her. The bored boy sports a hoodie and low rider jeans. The woman blocks Storkie man’s entrance to the store.

MARTHA
You! You sold me on this one. I dumped nothing but money on him
and he doesn’t seem to be doing anything!

The teenager shrugs and looks away.

STORKIE MAN
I’ll be with you in a minute ma’am.

MARTHA
No!

GLORIA
Oh no, you can deal with her. I’m not totally decided yet.
I’ll just take your card--

STORKIE MAN
Well I wouldn’t wait too long. Not getting any younger, all your friends are having kids
and I might not be back to visit. You could miss your chance.

Gloria notices Martha’s bra-less saggy breasts. Horror registers on Gloria’s face.

MARTHA
What’re you lookin’ at?

FADE OUT